There must be pandemonium at the India desk of the Department of Terrorism today. And whoever is in charge of the India story, uski to aaj M-B ho rahi hogi. For no one less than India’s future prime minister Rahul Gandhi has claimed that his Mom’s government, sublet to Manmohan Singh since 2004, has averted 99 per cent of the terror strikes.
I imagine spreadsheets must have been taken out by the handlers to explain to their bosses to say Rahul is bluffing. “Janaab, during Shivraj Patil’s time, Hindustan could avert just 1 out of 100.”
“Arrey, to yeh Don Bradman ki figure tak kaise pahunche,” must be the question that must be agitating brains in Karachi, Kandahar and Kabul. Osama bin Laden’s legacy is in serious danger of being asked to do a Bhaag DK Bose.
Indians themselves are not sure how to react to Rahulspeak. Should we feel happy that he looks at the glass half full. Actually 99 per cent full. And Mumbai 13/7 unfortunately was the 100th that got away.
Amul putran should, in fact, have cited 97 per cent accuracy. Because three bombs went off in Mumbai in 12 minutes. It however, did not seem to matter to his fans of the fairer sex who I found gushing on twitter and facebook over how cute his dimples looked when he said “Ninety nine per cent”.
But then I wonder how does RG know this? He is after all, not part of the government. Or does PC give him tution once a week, telling him “Ok, this strike was averted because RAW intercepted signals and we caught the guys before they could detonate the bombs. And this one, again, solid work by the IB guys. I tell you we are doing a great job in the Home ministry.”
Or is it that while passing rice to him at the dining table, Mom tells Baba, “today Man and Chids told me, the police got this intelligence from a terrorist arrested in Thane.”
“Ok, Mom, I will make a note of it on my BB.”
The hassle is we are so used to his title of `PM-in-waiting’ that we expect him to state India’s position on just about everything. Especially since Man, in keeping with his training, is very economical with words and decibel levels. Shouldn’t we be asking RG, “Hello, you are only the AICC general secretary in charge of Youth Congress. How do you know that Chids and company scored 99 per cent?”