What the media did not report on the reshuffle


By T S Sudhir

Back from Rashtrapathi Bhavan, Gurusharan Kaur switched on the TV to see how the media and its studio pundits were responding to the cabinet expansion. Ten minutes into it, she stormed out fuming. “You can never make these people happy Sardarji. They say you are playing musical chairs. Kabhi tussi khele ho musical chair?”

Nahi ji,” mumbled Dr Singh. “Main to jahan kursi pakad leta hoon, phir to main apni bhi nahin soonta. Only when Madam says, get up for Baba, I will vacate this bungalow in our Maruti car.”

In another part of the country, Karunanidhi called up Digvijay Singh. “Vanakkam. I heard you yesterday that you think Ashok Chavan and Suresh Kalmadi are innocent. So nice of you to stand up for them. These days, no one stands up for anyone. Not even the voters. Actually even I don’t stand up.”

“Jee jee, Karunanidhi ji, Thankyou for your kind words.”

“Digivjay ji, I have a request. The next time, you are in a mood to play judge, can you also declare my darling daughter Kanimozhi as innocent. You see she is a poetess and is not able to write inside jail. And if you have an 1 + 1 offer, maybe Raja also.”

“Jee. I will keep this in mind. What about that Maran dude?”

Chee chee. Venda. No No. Too many judgements will make everyone suspicious. Let’s stick to Kani and Raja. In return, I can come and canvas for the Congress in Uttar Pradesh against the corrupt and dictatorial Mayawati government.”

“Jee jee. That will be a morale-booster. I will immediately start looking for a good Tamil to Hindi translator. I will inform Rahul ji also.”

“Yes yes. I will meet him when I come to Delhi next though he never came to have breakfast with me when he came to Tamilnadu. Chinna payyan. He missed Dayalu’s tasy idlis and chutney-sambar, you should tell him.”

“Jee jee, I will tell him. And I will come Sir. I have eaten at Tamilnadu House in Delhi. Idli is my favourite breakfast too. I love it with gunpowder. Keeps my brain and tongue sharp. I like to shoot from the lip, you see. Hehe.”

Meanwhile Sharad Pawar calls up Rajiv Shukla and congratulates him on “Indian cricket’s 2-0 victory”.

“2-0 kaise Sir? We won only one Test match so it was 1-0,” pleads a confused Shukla, even as a supporter puts the 37th barfi of the evening into Shukla’s mouth, exclaiming “Mubarak ho ji”.

“Haha Haha. You and I, both BCCI representatives in government you see. So that makes it 2-0 na. Haha. Now it is good. I will not be the only one to be accused of all play and no work.”

“Yes Sir, I have an idea. We will give honorary passes to all MPs to watch all IPL matches and other cricket matches that India plays in whichever part of the world. That will help my job as Parliamentary affairs minister.”

“Yes yes, tell Lalit about it, err, I mean, kya naam hai uska, Chirayu Amin about it.”

Veerappa Moily is sulking. He has been moved from law to corporate affairs. “I have been removed because of vested interests,” he parrots to everyone who cares to listen. A journalist sniggers. “Moily lost his job before his Solicitor General.”

But S M Krishna is happy. “I enjoyed watching Wimbledon. Now that Wimbledon is over, where is the next big tennis tournament happening?” he asks his OSD.

“Portugal, Sir.”

“Fantastic. Lisbon is a lovely place. Don’t bother about writing my speeches there. I will borrow it from my counterpart. Haha. Just joking.”

Dinesh Trivedi gets a call as soon as he gets back home. “Mamta Didi on the line, Sir.”

“Konnkrulasons, Don’t eat too much mishti and rosgullas. Keep your shugar in kantrol. And you keep moooving. Yesspacally if there is a train acchident. Don’t do what Mukul did, shilly phellow. Ooyi Baba, ushki khabar lene ka hai. Secretary, Mukul ko phone lagao.”

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About t s sudhir & uma sudhir

Uma Sudhir and T S Sudhir are senior journalists, based in Hyderabad. Both work for NDTV. Uma is a Tamilian, who was educated in
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