Johny Mera Naam

By T S Sudhir


Johny Lever is hopping mad. Someone has texted him from Delhi saying Congress leader Manish Tewari has insulted him.


Arrey, kaun heh yeh Tewari yaar, pata karo, fauran,” Johny screams at his Man Friday.

Johny Bhai, kis se poochoon, Apne ko political contact nahin hai.”

De mujhe phone,” Johny snatches the phone from his hands and dials Govinda.

“Govinda bhai, as-salamu alaykum. Some Congress fellow called Manish Tewari, aap jaante hai kya?”

Haan haan. He is the party spokesman. Bole to, jo Madam ka sandesh hai, din mein party office mein batiyaate hai and raat ko he goes from studio to studio and tells same to same to the country. Faltoo kaam hai. Kya koyi lafda ho gaya kya?

Bhai, apni inzult kar di is Tewari ne. Aur Katrina ki bhi,”

“Woh kaise??”

Johnny explains how it all began. He reads out what Katrina Kaif had said in an interview to a newspaper: “Am I supposed to be ashamed that I am half-Asian, I mean, no! Rahul Gandhi is half-Indian, half-Italian. So? I am very proud of what I am and I just don’t understand the confusion as if I’m trying to hide the fact that my mother’s a British. Why would I?”


“Ok, so? Iss me Johny bhai, aap kidhar se ghus gaye?”

Suno na. Now when the media asked this Tewari about Kat’s comment, he reacted asking : “Who is she? I do not know. Tomorrow, you will ask for our reaction on the statement of Johny Lever. To what level you want to bring down the level of the political discourse in the country?”

Yeh to too much hai Johny bhai. Not only you, he has insulted Katrina baby also. `Partner’ me kya kaam kiya tha mere saath. `Do you wanna partner, oh partner’. Main abhi Sallu ko phone lagata hoon”

At Salman Khan’s den :


Bhai, Govinda bhai ka phone hai.”

“Arrey kamaal karte ho Govinda ji, aap hi ki kal shaam ko baat ho rahi thi, yaar dosto ke saath. Tell me what’s the matter?”


Govinda gives him a low-down on Tewari’s statement.


Salman is angry and disturbed. He must do something. So he takes off his shirt and does 40 push-ups. That inspires him with an idea to approach the original Bollywood Don, Sanju Baba, to ask him to tell his MP sister Priya Dutt to complain to the Congress High command against Tewari’s loose comment. After all, it is all about `being human’.


Bole to, Sallu, dekh na. Not only he insulted Kat and Johny, he also asked who is she? What a fellow yaar. He does not know Sheila ki jawaani? Kya fattoo aadmi hai yaar. Picture nahi dekhta kya?”

Meanwhile, the BJP organises a press conference to condemn Tewari’s insult to Bollywood and film comediens. Shatrughan Sinha is  specially drafted to lead the BJP charge.

Khamosh. Yeh hamare sanskar nahi hai. Iss tarah se film comedien ka apmaan, hum katayi bardaasht nahi kar sakte.”

“But Sir, do you agree with what Katrina said about Rahul?


Haan, bilkul. She said nothing wrong. Why is the Congress so touchy about the Italian connection? I would say after a 3-hour long Spanish holiday in `Zindagi na milegi dobara’, we should now do a film set in Italy. And I would now say (and pointing to the scribes to say `Note kiya jaaye‘), Manish Tewari, Get a life because zindagi na milegi dobara !”





About t s sudhir & uma sudhir

Uma Sudhir and T S Sudhir are senior journalists, based in Hyderabad. Both work for NDTV. Uma is a Tamilian, who was educated in
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